....and waiting

Yes, we are still waiting.
We did get two pictures of a sibling set approx 6 weeks ago, BUT the girl was definitely not 6. Looked to be 8-10 and a Pediatric Dentist verified (looking at the pictures and analyzing teeth!). So, without receiving any more info than just the pictures, we decided to decline that referral. Guess once again God knew because just found out last week that the boy tested positive for HIV, something we don't want to battle.
So.....just waiting. The agency said it hopefully wouldn't be long, but it already has. This is actually a longer wait now than typical. ugg.

Something exciting to report though! My cousin, Dolly (adopted from Korea) has recently announced that they are adopting (from Korea). This is so amazing!

and waiting....

Ha! Glenn said I should be updating this more often. The heading should be each time, "waiting" and then...."and waiting".
Yes, we are just still waiting. We did get an email last month "ON THE BOARMAN, THEIR CHILDREN WERE COMING FROM THE GOVERNMENT HOME, THE SOCIALWELFARE OFFICER INCHARGE OF THEIR CASE IS ON LEAVE AND WILL BE COMING BACK NEXT MONTH, WE ARE WORKING ON ALL THE NECCESSARY DOCUMENTS BEFORE SHE COMES , I WILL KEEP YOU UPDATE ON IT".
And, just received another email today, "WITH THE BOARMAN FAMILY THE SOCIALWELFARE OFFICER IS COMING BACK THIS WEEK AND WE WILL START THE WORK AS SOON AS POSSIBLE".
Now you know as much as we do!

quick update

Okay so not much new.....we are just waiting. Wow, do we know what waiting feels like. We are supposedly still going to get that "potential referral". Apparently we are waiting on the Ministry of Social Welfare to release their social and medicals and then the referral can be official. One week has turned into just close to 2 months now. But!, I know God's timing is right. Of course, with school starting craziness I have been pretty busy nonstop so definitely not waiting by the computer. Some days I'm not sure I even have a moment to actually take in something so big as an email with info. So, it's all good :)
We did get our official papers that we can bring orphans into the country-our I600a approval. We had to be fingerprinted in Denver (Bryce too because he's over 18). The place was empty when we arrived so we laughed at why we waited weeks with an official appointment date and time (Bryce even had to have a different appt date because the computer had shown no appts left after they entered mine and Glenn's name--ugg), but that's the gov for ya. I remember earlier on panicking about getting that paperwork in (have to have home study approval and all to submit it) and the timing and didn't want to be waiting weeks for an appointment and then weeks more for approval. Turns out that was really such an insignificant thing to wait for and didn't halt anything.....as we're waiting anyway! :)  It was the last big step and we have done everything for this process we can possibly do at this point.
Thanks everyone for your support. I know many of you have sent donations to Kids Too! for us. We don't get names until the end of the year so please know that we thank you in our hearts, just can't on paper yet.

How much does it cost to add a family memeber...or two!

I promised to give you a break down of the fees to adopt siblings from Ghana. Some of these are estimates, but most are fixed.
http://financialhurdles.blogspot.com/2010/07/how-much-does-it-cost-to-add-family.html

potential referral

I was shopping in Walgreens on Thursday when I received a call from the agency. My heart didn't even race for a second because I just figured there was something wrong with the paperwork. Even though we submitted our dossier (country paperwork) a couple weeks ago now, it wouldn't have surprised me that it was still in office and they were working on it. Not because of anything with the agency, but because everything in the adoption world moves so slow. She was actually calling to verify what age ranges, etc. we were interested in because they had word on a sibling set and we were up first in line for those ranges. A boy age 6 and a girl age 3. Wow. Outside of twins, it was pretty ideal. I have wanted one of each, and to have the boy be older. These ages are both at the top and bottom of what we said would be ideal (ages 3-6).  I don't honestly know what would be ideal though. I know younger would be better for bonding, etc., but this also seems like so much more work (they don't dress themselves, they need more involved daycare, etc). I have really been trying to not "figure it out" and just leave it up to God. I know he knows what is ideal and so I'm going with that! I know that even though we specify what we would like, we can get a referral on just about anything so again, leaving it up to God.
She said that the referral can't be official until they receive the medicals, pictures, and any other info, but that they were verified as orphans and ready to be adopted. She said it would "take some time" before they received the info. When I asked what that meant, she replied, "probably about a week". Ha! I was laughing because again, adoption world is slow and so I figured she meant awhile to be a month or more. So, now we are possibly a couple days away from receiving our referral. Pretty exciting! I guess I'm asking for prayers that this is our timing, that everything will work out with the medicals and all--meaning they are cleared and don't have anything that would prevent the referral to us. Pray also that we will see these kids through God's eyes and not judge their pictures and that we would have a settled heart on accepting it (the referral). If we accept the referral, a lot more money will be due. We sent out letters this week and we pray that everyone will pray about their part in our adoption and that if they feel lead, will contribute financially. 
Love you guys! gotta go watch the fireworks!  God bless America!

Long awaited update

Sorry for the non existence on this blog for so long. There were some changes that we just didn't feel we wanted to put online until they were sorted out.
During the time of our adoption classes, we discovered that Ghana is, in some cases, is issuing a 2 year interim adoption whereas we would not have the adoption final until after this time period is up. This was a concern with the tax deduction being extended until 2011 but not indefinitely. We also needed time to figure out what other issues this might cause. We also discovered that fact that because the US Embassy is doing a lot more with the orphan investigations (often DNA testing) after the Ghana decree has been issued but before the visa home will be issued, two trips are mandatory (unless you want to move in for a while over there!).  We became increasingly frustrated with our agency for having to find out a lot of this on our own and few of our questions being answered. We decided to "start over" and research whether or not we should pursue Ghana or another country, and/or continue with our agency or move to another. 
So for a couple weeks we agonized. Up until that point we had done everything so quickly and efficiently to keep everything moving forward and now the ball was in our court in order to proceed. Certain paperwork couldn't be filed at that point without knowing which country, and certain paperwork couldn't be done without knowing which agency! As like before, one almost can't be decided without the other. Knowing which one to chose first is the hardest part. I spent more hours than anyone possibly can researching all of the above deeper than any possible human ever has--at least Glenn is convinced of that. We narrowed it down to 3 countries and in the end Ghana won out for various reasons. I'm not sure we were convinced before, but after this long process, we are assured Ghana has found us and this is the country our kids are in. A funny quick story....after we officially made the decision and were sitting around the kitchen as a family discussing it, Freddie Adu came up. He was the young soccer player that came over here to play and got a lot of media attention. We weren't sure where he came from and so we googled it. He was from Ghana! Ha! that nailed it, we had made the right decision...if a great soccer player could come from there (okay, so only if you know how much we as a family love soccer will this make you smile. We will certainly be okay too though if neither of our kids ends up playing soccer)!
We did end up switching agencies for various reasons and are still negotiating our initial large fee and pending the outcome, I may or may not reveal the details.
The great news now~ our home study has been approved by Colorado, the government has acknowledged our I600a application has been received (the "previsa" form that will give us permission to bring orphans into the US), and we have officially sent in our DOSSIER (the country paperwork and last paperwork step!). The Dossier had something like 25 notarized pages and contains our life! This is huge because now we have again done everything we can and it's in others hands. We now play the waiting game.....we could get our referrals (matching with kids) anytime and once that happens court will be scheduled and we could be traveling within weeks. The referral part is really unknown though. Could happen soon or we could wait 6 months+. It all depends on whether children in the age ranges we desire are available or when they will become so. The contacts in Ghana do not know what we desire in order to keep the process more ethical (agencies don't want others 'shopping' for certain kids). From what I've heard and read, this seems to be the hardest part....the waiting now. I admit, I feel more peace than ever and am not anxious. Maybe that's because I know we need more money to keep things rolling, maybe that's because I keep thinking of all the things I need to do before to prepare (bedrooms, getting caught up on current kids scrapbooks!, accumulating more vacation time at work, etc). But then I think about the situation our kids could be in right now, and it tears at my heart. I know God's timing is perfect and so I'm dwelling on that for now.

Watch this and then you won't need to ask why we're adopting internationally

adoption classes

Tomorrow we take our last adoption class and it will mainly focus in transracial/transcultural adoption. More sacrifice as we'll miss one of Savannah's biggest games!
Last week we had two all day classes, and Glenn and I both agree we learned way more than we thought! Many things I probably would have done opposite. For example, never wanted to teach my kids to run to me for every little thing and so I never made a big deal about cuts, scrapes, etc. It is actually really important for parents to completely acknowlege all of these things and let the kids realize you are there for them. They have to learn that someone does care and learn that their needs will be met. A lot of them don't even cry for anything because they have learned it doesn't matter. The classes were really based on Erickson's stages of development. Remember that from school? Trust versus mistrust is the first stage and many of the kids never get through that one. So, for the first weeks to months to up to a year we will have to help our children go through the stages until they are caught up and help them see us as their primary caregivers in order to bond. Often kids will regress (going back to those stages) and that is expected and okay. An example is that an older kid might want to drink out of a bottle once home. You should let them! and even hold them while they do. They know what they haven't received (maybe they have never been held while being fed, etc). The instructors assured us that this will not be permanent (whew) and they have to go through each stage. It all makes so much sense and I'm glad we were required to learn it all.
Other things going on....our psych evals are finally done ($560 later after insurance coverage). I tried to send them to the agency and then she recommended I just give them to the Home Study social worker. What?! the agency required them and Melissa (social worker) already approved our Home Study without them and never wanted them. So frustrating.
Also, International agency has some concerns with some verbage in our Home Study and how that might look to the country. So....just when I thought things were moving, they're not. It's being worked on but looks like we are now 2-3 weeks from submitting the I600a (see previous post). I have already screamed.

My Aunt told me on the phone one day. "Lori, you just have to do your part. You can hurry and gather your stuff and do everything to keep it going fast, but ultimately it might sit on someones desk for 3 weeks and you have no control of that. All you can do is pray and do your part".  This has comforted me way more than I ever wanted it to at this stage, but thank you for giving me that advice, Auntie.

Switching countries to Ghana

Since Feb, Uganda has been struggling with their adoption process. In Uganda, the law is that one must reside there for 3 years in order to adopt. The way International Adoption has been proceeding around that in the past is to get a guardianship with the intention to adopt by the Ugandan courts, and then come to the US to make it final. In the last few month new judges has have come in and recently they decided to take out those words "with the intention to adopt".  Some (judges) argue that they should be following the law of 3 years, and some argue they should be following the law of doing what is in the best interest of the child. In the meantime, the US embassy has now refused to issue the visas to leave the country for obvious legal reasons. The very sad part, is that some families went over to Uganda, met up with their child, got legal guardianship (from the Ugandan courts), and now are waiting. I have been following one families blog and she has currently been there 10 weeks while they sort all this out. We have been trying to ride it out and not make a decision to switch until we ultimately had to (the country gets listed in the finalized Home Study), even though I think we knew in our hearts we wouldn't have confirmation in time. At this point, Uganda has agreed to put the wording back in (why the heck don't they just change the law!), but now the US embassy wants letters from 3 different Ugandan Ministries, which lawyers are advising will take months.
While we pretty much knew this was coming, our agency recently put the Ugandan program on hold, so it's really not a choice even if we wanted to push through.  What are our choices? Well, when you sign on with an agency, you are boundried by the countries that they work with. The other two countries that will work with our interests and family, are Ethiopia and Ghana.  When I talked further with the agency in the last two weeks, they updated me on some news that has been transpiring in Ethiopia including that now you have to travel there twice. After prayer and research, we decided Ghana was our best choice. It's on the west side of Africa and borders the ocean. Looks like a beautiful country and a great place to visit.
I've begun to pray for twins. It would be so much easier.

Home Study done!

I know it's been a long time since I've updated, but we've been kinda in a "hurry up and wait" mode. More progress though as Glenn and I reviewed and signed our Home Study yesterday morning. It's amazing to me how much they know about us now, but there is still more to come!  So...what now? Monday it gets emailed to our International agency and if they approve, it gets forwarded to Colorado for State approval. This has been taking around a week. Once that is done, we can send in our I600 (Application for Advance Processing of Orphan Petition). Basically step two out of three in the entire process, it's a preapproval by the US immigration to bring orphans into the country (I keep calling it a pre-visa). Tell you more as it comes.....

There are so many details to write, yet so few. I struggle sometimes with how much to put in this blog as I don't want to bore, overwhelm, or keep you from coming here for the basic info. I guess I will really try and do a happy medium and know that you can always contact me for any details I keep you curious about.

Home Study

Some of our clearances came in finally, so we were able to have Melissa (our social worker) at our house for our first visit last week. It was pretty basic. She just asked a lot of questions regarding our desire to adopt and ultimately, did we know what we were getting ourselved into! The visit lasted about an hour and we have two more this week. One, she will briefly talk with the kids. We did come out of it a little bummed as she gave us a better idea of a timeline at this point. The next visits are over the next two weeks, and then as long as the remainder of the clearances have come in by then, she will begin writing up the 15 page report. This could take a couple weeks since she has a huge load right now. And, Colorado then has to approve it which could take another couple weeks. UGGGH. I knew there was going to be a lot of waiting, but this is the worst case scenario as far as the timeline for a home study. It can take 1-3 months and I really thought with my deligence in getting all the paperwork back within a couple of days we would be close to 4-6 weeks. Looks like more like 3 months.

double our fun

Here's the short version if you don't like to read:  We are adopting two kids now.
Here's the long version if you are into details:
Long, long ago (ok, in December) it started in the NICU. Karen, is a great friend I work with and has also become a mentor. She adopted her only 4 children and I love hearing her stories. Naturally, she was the first person at work I told our news to. During that same day she had contacted her daughter (whom I am also friends with--we have played soccer together) and Sarah, had given her some blogs of friends that were adopting, or had already adopted, to share with me.  Karen told me that day about how her daughter had really struggled at one point about being very dark in a light family, and that after they adopted their 4th (they made sure he was very dark), she never mentioned it again. Her reason for sharing, she joked, was that she thought I should get two! Ha! that was funny. I went home that night and shared the 'joke' with Savannah and Glenn. They both didn't laugh and replied that we should get two. I laughed and said, "I don't have a mini van and I just got rid of my car with 7 seats because we were done with that era". Savannah, excited, talked about how they could share a room no problem. Glenn looked at me sternly and said, "you should pray about that".            Mmmm, okay, I will pray about that but I know the answer and it's that I only want one. I quickly changed the subject.
I sat down the next day and began reading some of these blogs. The very first one intrigued me and I cried as I read it. What a cool story; a family that started out to add one to their family had ended up with twins. She wanted a boy, he wanted a girl and so they left it up to God. Mmm, ended up with one of each. I thought for a moment, how much I wanted another girl, but that I do keep seeing the faces of boys and how much I would love another son. I can't figure out why when I want a girl so bad, that I would even consider looking at boys--but I was always drawn to them on any website, whether they were available or not.
 I began my blog shortly after that and as I was writing the title and those first words/entries, I somehow felt compelled to leave some words plural. Of course, no one would realize at the time that I might be using "them", to actually mean "both of them" instead of the singular for them (see my title). I still knew I didn't want two, but I kept thinking about the blog I had read and wondered if my story would end like hers. She didn't want two, but so many things when she looks back (even within her blog), were already leading there.
Around this time we inquired on Doreen from the agency. At the same time they sent me her profile, they also sent me one of a little boy 3 yrs old. I had seen his picture on the Rainbow kids website too, but wondered why she had sent me more info on him when we clearly had told her we wanted a girl. Delete folder.
Soon after I spoke with my mom on the phone. We hadn't really talked since the announcement and she started the conversation by saying, "Lori, I think you should get two. I think with the age being so far behind Savannah, it will be nice to have two so that they can play together and have each other, etc.".  Wow, where did this come from? I laughed it off again.
A week or so went on and I admit, I had prayed about it a little. Glenn had mentioned it several times but I pretty much ignored him.  Then, one late night after work I went on the Rainbow Kids website to see if they had removed Doreen like they said they would when we agreed to committ to her. She was gone. Yay, but so was Edward.  I wondered why and my wondering was strong enough that I emailed the agency to inquire if he had found a family. Glenn woke me up that night after getting off work. He had found my email to the agency and wondered what the heck. He was all excited and I assured him I was just curious. I told him he should be praying about this and he laughed and said he already knew the answer. We should take two, that there are only worldy answers to why we shouldn't. We can get a different car. The big step is one and two would almost make it easier in some regards. By the time they have bigger financial needs (what if they both want to play soccer? I could never deny my kids their desires), the others will be in college (oh dear--that is the most expensive time yet, right?). He also considered that adopting a second is not that much more fee wise. We can take the tax credit twice, which will essentially help with some of the costs of the first child (if the credit gets extended...please government, please).  My other big fear is that I don't want my current children to become second. I fear that I would never be able to leave behind two little ones to attend another soccer tournament, etc. Glenn easily said he would be willing to keep them and let me go; that this doesn't mean death of everything else in our lives. Okay, this man is really talking from God. He is a great father, but he just keeps adding to what his responsibilites will be. And not because he wants to, but because he feels lead to.
I did, however, fight it for a few more days. Then the Sunday sermon came. It was on sacrifice and worldy things. The entire sermon spoke to our current situation and decisions at hand. Glenn kept looking at me with a smile throughout. Walking to the car, he announced that he would take the burden of my complex-over analyzing-mind and make the decision and just tell me we were going to adopt two. Don't know how that didn't get me falling to my knees, but I still wasn't ready to say okay. Maybe I just wanted more and more confirmation that he was ready to make that decision...that he had thought of all the outcomes. Thinking rationally,  I know he doesn't say things until he has already done all that. I think I knew the answer, probably did for a few weeks now.
My dad's inclination was to "go for two". He wrote, "If God wants you to adopt two He will open that door for you; otherwise, He will close it in spite of what you might do or ask for through the agency". Great words to ponder...if it's not in God's plan, he will remove it if we ask for his guidance. I always forget that part. It's like I'm afraid to make a decision that is wrong, not realizing that God can redirect it at anytime!
26 hours later, I was praying about it one last time. I was sitting in the parking lot waiting to pick up the kids from school when an email came through on my blackberry.  It distracted me and I grabbed my phone to look at it. It was from my aunt. I had mentioned in an ever so brief email a few days earlier that we were considering two. That she should really pray for us. The first words in that email were, "Listen to Glenn, he is showing spiritual leadership by taking the burden of the decision from you". I have never experienced a situation where I am fighting something spiritual, and Glenn is taking the lead. I can't begin to tell you how scary that is, but so peaceful and so amazing.
That was it. Her advice is always welcoming, but the timing was confirmation to me what God had been telling me. There is no question about God's will for us to take care of orphans. He give us the desires of our heart, not the objects of our desires. You can't miss when God's desires become your desires.