double our fun

Here's the short version if you don't like to read:  We are adopting two kids now.
Here's the long version if you are into details:
Long, long ago (ok, in December) it started in the NICU. Karen, is a great friend I work with and has also become a mentor. She adopted her only 4 children and I love hearing her stories. Naturally, she was the first person at work I told our news to. During that same day she had contacted her daughter (whom I am also friends with--we have played soccer together) and Sarah, had given her some blogs of friends that were adopting, or had already adopted, to share with me.  Karen told me that day about how her daughter had really struggled at one point about being very dark in a light family, and that after they adopted their 4th (they made sure he was very dark), she never mentioned it again. Her reason for sharing, she joked, was that she thought I should get two! Ha! that was funny. I went home that night and shared the 'joke' with Savannah and Glenn. They both didn't laugh and replied that we should get two. I laughed and said, "I don't have a mini van and I just got rid of my car with 7 seats because we were done with that era". Savannah, excited, talked about how they could share a room no problem. Glenn looked at me sternly and said, "you should pray about that".            Mmmm, okay, I will pray about that but I know the answer and it's that I only want one. I quickly changed the subject.
I sat down the next day and began reading some of these blogs. The very first one intrigued me and I cried as I read it. What a cool story; a family that started out to add one to their family had ended up with twins. She wanted a boy, he wanted a girl and so they left it up to God. Mmm, ended up with one of each. I thought for a moment, how much I wanted another girl, but that I do keep seeing the faces of boys and how much I would love another son. I can't figure out why when I want a girl so bad, that I would even consider looking at boys--but I was always drawn to them on any website, whether they were available or not.
 I began my blog shortly after that and as I was writing the title and those first words/entries, I somehow felt compelled to leave some words plural. Of course, no one would realize at the time that I might be using "them", to actually mean "both of them" instead of the singular for them (see my title). I still knew I didn't want two, but I kept thinking about the blog I had read and wondered if my story would end like hers. She didn't want two, but so many things when she looks back (even within her blog), were already leading there.
Around this time we inquired on Doreen from the agency. At the same time they sent me her profile, they also sent me one of a little boy 3 yrs old. I had seen his picture on the Rainbow kids website too, but wondered why she had sent me more info on him when we clearly had told her we wanted a girl. Delete folder.
Soon after I spoke with my mom on the phone. We hadn't really talked since the announcement and she started the conversation by saying, "Lori, I think you should get two. I think with the age being so far behind Savannah, it will be nice to have two so that they can play together and have each other, etc.".  Wow, where did this come from? I laughed it off again.
A week or so went on and I admit, I had prayed about it a little. Glenn had mentioned it several times but I pretty much ignored him.  Then, one late night after work I went on the Rainbow Kids website to see if they had removed Doreen like they said they would when we agreed to committ to her. She was gone. Yay, but so was Edward.  I wondered why and my wondering was strong enough that I emailed the agency to inquire if he had found a family. Glenn woke me up that night after getting off work. He had found my email to the agency and wondered what the heck. He was all excited and I assured him I was just curious. I told him he should be praying about this and he laughed and said he already knew the answer. We should take two, that there are only worldy answers to why we shouldn't. We can get a different car. The big step is one and two would almost make it easier in some regards. By the time they have bigger financial needs (what if they both want to play soccer? I could never deny my kids their desires), the others will be in college (oh dear--that is the most expensive time yet, right?). He also considered that adopting a second is not that much more fee wise. We can take the tax credit twice, which will essentially help with some of the costs of the first child (if the credit gets extended...please government, please).  My other big fear is that I don't want my current children to become second. I fear that I would never be able to leave behind two little ones to attend another soccer tournament, etc. Glenn easily said he would be willing to keep them and let me go; that this doesn't mean death of everything else in our lives. Okay, this man is really talking from God. He is a great father, but he just keeps adding to what his responsibilites will be. And not because he wants to, but because he feels lead to.
I did, however, fight it for a few more days. Then the Sunday sermon came. It was on sacrifice and worldy things. The entire sermon spoke to our current situation and decisions at hand. Glenn kept looking at me with a smile throughout. Walking to the car, he announced that he would take the burden of my complex-over analyzing-mind and make the decision and just tell me we were going to adopt two. Don't know how that didn't get me falling to my knees, but I still wasn't ready to say okay. Maybe I just wanted more and more confirmation that he was ready to make that decision...that he had thought of all the outcomes. Thinking rationally,  I know he doesn't say things until he has already done all that. I think I knew the answer, probably did for a few weeks now.
My dad's inclination was to "go for two". He wrote, "If God wants you to adopt two He will open that door for you; otherwise, He will close it in spite of what you might do or ask for through the agency". Great words to ponder...if it's not in God's plan, he will remove it if we ask for his guidance. I always forget that part. It's like I'm afraid to make a decision that is wrong, not realizing that God can redirect it at anytime!
26 hours later, I was praying about it one last time. I was sitting in the parking lot waiting to pick up the kids from school when an email came through on my blackberry.  It distracted me and I grabbed my phone to look at it. It was from my aunt. I had mentioned in an ever so brief email a few days earlier that we were considering two. That she should really pray for us. The first words in that email were, "Listen to Glenn, he is showing spiritual leadership by taking the burden of the decision from you". I have never experienced a situation where I am fighting something spiritual, and Glenn is taking the lead. I can't begin to tell you how scary that is, but so peaceful and so amazing.
That was it. Her advice is always welcoming, but the timing was confirmation to me what God had been telling me. There is no question about God's will for us to take care of orphans. He give us the desires of our heart, not the objects of our desires. You can't miss when God's desires become your desires.