Referral Accepted!

I left off last time with us waiting for info on the boy. Well, we found out he had a brother, which is potentially not always a big deal as most any-all of these kids have siblings somewhere. Some of them might not be adoptable though for various reasons. Sometimes a mom will relinquish one or two and not the others (much more to that, we can chat sometime if you want more) After waiting some more time, it was confirmed that his brother was actually in the same orphanage and that they would be adopted out together (as it should be). Sorry guys, not feeling lead to three!
We had decided in the meantime that we would officially accept the girl and if God wanted us to have only one he would reveal this (by the boy not working out and no others available). We were getting ready to tell the agency yes (some days went by when we were awaiting the new non-sibling contract) to the girl when they revealed the official news about the boy. However, we were thrown for a loop because they mentioned in the same email that they had new pics of a sibling set but no social/medicals at this point (meaning it isn't an official referral yet). Once again we were left struggling to decipher what God was telling us. As you know, in my last entry I said that if siblings appeared in the meantime maybe we knew we were still supposed to be pursuing them. By now though, we have felt lead to the girl. I looked at her pic a million times and prayed about her. The agency of course can't/won't commit to any time frame on when they might receive the remaining info (Ghana is Ghana and their timing is up to them). So, that means we could have waited a couple days or even a couple months.....only to find out these kids were not medically cleared, too old, etc. I really wanted to see the pic since we waited so long before only to clearly see the girl was way out of our age range. But, the agency didn't want to show pics without all the info (then why the heck even tell me they exist! I mean, aren't there 147 million orphans out there and they are all potential). 
So, what to do? Wait weeks or months and find out a negative? Turn the girl down and have regrets? We certainly didn't want to make her wait all that time to find out we were or were not going to adopt her. I was excited about her, and even excited about one knowing how much easier all this would be to handle both time wise and financially. But, I was grieving for the imagined son I thought for the last year I was going to have. God does work in amazing ways though. Here it took me some time to get used to the idea of two. I fought it but ultimately felt I needed to be obedient to his calling. He's maybe laughing because he knew I could actually only handle one all along and just wanted me to trust him. Now he is blessing me? As always there is more details but you get the basics.
Ultimately, we felt peace with the one. Glenn kept saying that we had made our decision the week before to accept her and let God do the rest and so we should go with that. The more he said it, the more I felt lead that way and we just all came together and agreed.
So.....we officially sent an email on Sunday morning, March 6th, that we accept the girl. We are working on giving her a name so I will explain and keep you updated on that. Once we have passed court and have the decree that lets me tell the world she is ours and I can post pics. She is approximately 4 1/2-5 1/2 yrs old and definitely adorable. I will update you on the time line when I get more details in the next couple of days. For now, we are getting our Visas and waiting on a court date (which can take weeks) and putting together a package that someone can take over to give to her. More on that later too.

potential referrals

Friday, Jan 28th we received an email from Robin (director of agency) with info that there was a boy and girl available, but they are not related. Basic info on the girl--she is supposidly 4 1/2, a picture and medical/social report (although there isn't much contained in this). This makes her officially availabe to accept as a referral.  We received a picture of the boy, and an approximate age of 6. However, his medical/social is not in yet so cannot be "officially referred". This has stirred up a bunch of discussion and emotions/thoughts. We really wanted siblings so that a pair wouldn't have to be broken up. But, Ghana is a country we are finding out that most that are adopting want siblings so they are rarely broken up (Ghana is a country known for siblings so dah, like others who want siblings, were drawn here). So does that mean the kids there that aren't siblings are more in need of families? who knows.We know any child without a mom and/or dad needs one. It would be neat to have the sibling bond, or maybe they would look alike, or etc.  On the other hand, they may still not look alike and we know they won't look like us! ha! Also in Ghana many family members take care of one another and mothers can have children by many different dads so many kids don't actually know who is their true biological sibling versus step, cousin, etc.
I can argue both ways and in the end, the sibling thing is probably a box in my mind of the 'perfect' situation. I am trying to let go of that list and let God. I remind myself that at the beginning of this journey when we had persued Doreen, we had decided to adopt a second and that would have not been a sibling if that situation would have worked out. We are all God's children and certainly will be siblings once adopted into our family.
At this point, we are feeling led to accept these kids if everything comes in ok. If these children are not ours, God will find a way to let us know that. I suppose if siblings were to become available in the meantime that could be our answer?
Here is what is perfect about these kids; they are beautiful, they are a boy and a girl and the boy is likely older (my favorite order), they are ages I think we could best handle (not too young, probably perfect for starting school soon after they arrive), they could be close to the same age. I have prayed about twins. Being a seasoned mom I know how much easier it is to have them close together. We know we will probably never know their birthdates, but they seem to be pretty close in age (from pics and info from those who have seen them). Okay, so you ask who has seen them. Well I don't know anything about the girl, but a family that was in Ghana to get their kids back in November took many pictures while they were there. The boy is in many of these and they remember seeing him- stating he was smiling always and just a happy kid. She thinks he is probably closer to 5. Funny because these countries usually error on the younger side not older.
I admit, I'm getting excited. This could be it! But, I'm cautious as well with my feelings.
So pray for us, that we make the decision that is God's will for us.

....and waiting

Yes, we are still waiting.
We did get two pictures of a sibling set approx 6 weeks ago, BUT the girl was definitely not 6. Looked to be 8-10 and a Pediatric Dentist verified (looking at the pictures and analyzing teeth!). So, without receiving any more info than just the pictures, we decided to decline that referral. Guess once again God knew because just found out last week that the boy tested positive for HIV, something we don't want to battle.
So.....just waiting. The agency said it hopefully wouldn't be long, but it already has. This is actually a longer wait now than typical. ugg.

Something exciting to report though! My cousin, Dolly (adopted from Korea) has recently announced that they are adopting (from Korea). This is so amazing!

and waiting....

Ha! Glenn said I should be updating this more often. The heading should be each time, "waiting" and then...."and waiting".
Yes, we are just still waiting. We did get an email last month "ON THE BOARMAN, THEIR CHILDREN WERE COMING FROM THE GOVERNMENT HOME, THE SOCIALWELFARE OFFICER INCHARGE OF THEIR CASE IS ON LEAVE AND WILL BE COMING BACK NEXT MONTH, WE ARE WORKING ON ALL THE NECCESSARY DOCUMENTS BEFORE SHE COMES , I WILL KEEP YOU UPDATE ON IT".
And, just received another email today, "WITH THE BOARMAN FAMILY THE SOCIALWELFARE OFFICER IS COMING BACK THIS WEEK AND WE WILL START THE WORK AS SOON AS POSSIBLE".
Now you know as much as we do!

quick update

Okay so not much new.....we are just waiting. Wow, do we know what waiting feels like. We are supposedly still going to get that "potential referral". Apparently we are waiting on the Ministry of Social Welfare to release their social and medicals and then the referral can be official. One week has turned into just close to 2 months now. But!, I know God's timing is right. Of course, with school starting craziness I have been pretty busy nonstop so definitely not waiting by the computer. Some days I'm not sure I even have a moment to actually take in something so big as an email with info. So, it's all good :)
We did get our official papers that we can bring orphans into the country-our I600a approval. We had to be fingerprinted in Denver (Bryce too because he's over 18). The place was empty when we arrived so we laughed at why we waited weeks with an official appointment date and time (Bryce even had to have a different appt date because the computer had shown no appts left after they entered mine and Glenn's name--ugg), but that's the gov for ya. I remember earlier on panicking about getting that paperwork in (have to have home study approval and all to submit it) and the timing and didn't want to be waiting weeks for an appointment and then weeks more for approval. Turns out that was really such an insignificant thing to wait for and didn't halt anything.....as we're waiting anyway! :)  It was the last big step and we have done everything for this process we can possibly do at this point.
Thanks everyone for your support. I know many of you have sent donations to Kids Too! for us. We don't get names until the end of the year so please know that we thank you in our hearts, just can't on paper yet.

How much does it cost to add a family memeber...or two!

I promised to give you a break down of the fees to adopt siblings from Ghana. Some of these are estimates, but most are fixed.
http://financialhurdles.blogspot.com/2010/07/how-much-does-it-cost-to-add-family.html

potential referral

I was shopping in Walgreens on Thursday when I received a call from the agency. My heart didn't even race for a second because I just figured there was something wrong with the paperwork. Even though we submitted our dossier (country paperwork) a couple weeks ago now, it wouldn't have surprised me that it was still in office and they were working on it. Not because of anything with the agency, but because everything in the adoption world moves so slow. She was actually calling to verify what age ranges, etc. we were interested in because they had word on a sibling set and we were up first in line for those ranges. A boy age 6 and a girl age 3. Wow. Outside of twins, it was pretty ideal. I have wanted one of each, and to have the boy be older. These ages are both at the top and bottom of what we said would be ideal (ages 3-6).  I don't honestly know what would be ideal though. I know younger would be better for bonding, etc., but this also seems like so much more work (they don't dress themselves, they need more involved daycare, etc). I have really been trying to not "figure it out" and just leave it up to God. I know he knows what is ideal and so I'm going with that! I know that even though we specify what we would like, we can get a referral on just about anything so again, leaving it up to God.
She said that the referral can't be official until they receive the medicals, pictures, and any other info, but that they were verified as orphans and ready to be adopted. She said it would "take some time" before they received the info. When I asked what that meant, she replied, "probably about a week". Ha! I was laughing because again, adoption world is slow and so I figured she meant awhile to be a month or more. So, now we are possibly a couple days away from receiving our referral. Pretty exciting! I guess I'm asking for prayers that this is our timing, that everything will work out with the medicals and all--meaning they are cleared and don't have anything that would prevent the referral to us. Pray also that we will see these kids through God's eyes and not judge their pictures and that we would have a settled heart on accepting it (the referral). If we accept the referral, a lot more money will be due. We sent out letters this week and we pray that everyone will pray about their part in our adoption and that if they feel lead, will contribute financially. 
Love you guys! gotta go watch the fireworks!  God bless America!

Long awaited update

Sorry for the non existence on this blog for so long. There were some changes that we just didn't feel we wanted to put online until they were sorted out.
During the time of our adoption classes, we discovered that Ghana is, in some cases, is issuing a 2 year interim adoption whereas we would not have the adoption final until after this time period is up. This was a concern with the tax deduction being extended until 2011 but not indefinitely. We also needed time to figure out what other issues this might cause. We also discovered that fact that because the US Embassy is doing a lot more with the orphan investigations (often DNA testing) after the Ghana decree has been issued but before the visa home will be issued, two trips are mandatory (unless you want to move in for a while over there!).  We became increasingly frustrated with our agency for having to find out a lot of this on our own and few of our questions being answered. We decided to "start over" and research whether or not we should pursue Ghana or another country, and/or continue with our agency or move to another. 
So for a couple weeks we agonized. Up until that point we had done everything so quickly and efficiently to keep everything moving forward and now the ball was in our court in order to proceed. Certain paperwork couldn't be filed at that point without knowing which country, and certain paperwork couldn't be done without knowing which agency! As like before, one almost can't be decided without the other. Knowing which one to chose first is the hardest part. I spent more hours than anyone possibly can researching all of the above deeper than any possible human ever has--at least Glenn is convinced of that. We narrowed it down to 3 countries and in the end Ghana won out for various reasons. I'm not sure we were convinced before, but after this long process, we are assured Ghana has found us and this is the country our kids are in. A funny quick story....after we officially made the decision and were sitting around the kitchen as a family discussing it, Freddie Adu came up. He was the young soccer player that came over here to play and got a lot of media attention. We weren't sure where he came from and so we googled it. He was from Ghana! Ha! that nailed it, we had made the right decision...if a great soccer player could come from there (okay, so only if you know how much we as a family love soccer will this make you smile. We will certainly be okay too though if neither of our kids ends up playing soccer)!
We did end up switching agencies for various reasons and are still negotiating our initial large fee and pending the outcome, I may or may not reveal the details.
The great news now~ our home study has been approved by Colorado, the government has acknowledged our I600a application has been received (the "previsa" form that will give us permission to bring orphans into the US), and we have officially sent in our DOSSIER (the country paperwork and last paperwork step!). The Dossier had something like 25 notarized pages and contains our life! This is huge because now we have again done everything we can and it's in others hands. We now play the waiting game.....we could get our referrals (matching with kids) anytime and once that happens court will be scheduled and we could be traveling within weeks. The referral part is really unknown though. Could happen soon or we could wait 6 months+. It all depends on whether children in the age ranges we desire are available or when they will become so. The contacts in Ghana do not know what we desire in order to keep the process more ethical (agencies don't want others 'shopping' for certain kids). From what I've heard and read, this seems to be the hardest part....the waiting now. I admit, I feel more peace than ever and am not anxious. Maybe that's because I know we need more money to keep things rolling, maybe that's because I keep thinking of all the things I need to do before to prepare (bedrooms, getting caught up on current kids scrapbooks!, accumulating more vacation time at work, etc). But then I think about the situation our kids could be in right now, and it tears at my heart. I know God's timing is perfect and so I'm dwelling on that for now.

Watch this and then you won't need to ask why we're adopting internationally

adoption classes

Tomorrow we take our last adoption class and it will mainly focus in transracial/transcultural adoption. More sacrifice as we'll miss one of Savannah's biggest games!
Last week we had two all day classes, and Glenn and I both agree we learned way more than we thought! Many things I probably would have done opposite. For example, never wanted to teach my kids to run to me for every little thing and so I never made a big deal about cuts, scrapes, etc. It is actually really important for parents to completely acknowlege all of these things and let the kids realize you are there for them. They have to learn that someone does care and learn that their needs will be met. A lot of them don't even cry for anything because they have learned it doesn't matter. The classes were really based on Erickson's stages of development. Remember that from school? Trust versus mistrust is the first stage and many of the kids never get through that one. So, for the first weeks to months to up to a year we will have to help our children go through the stages until they are caught up and help them see us as their primary caregivers in order to bond. Often kids will regress (going back to those stages) and that is expected and okay. An example is that an older kid might want to drink out of a bottle once home. You should let them! and even hold them while they do. They know what they haven't received (maybe they have never been held while being fed, etc). The instructors assured us that this will not be permanent (whew) and they have to go through each stage. It all makes so much sense and I'm glad we were required to learn it all.
Other things going on....our psych evals are finally done ($560 later after insurance coverage). I tried to send them to the agency and then she recommended I just give them to the Home Study social worker. What?! the agency required them and Melissa (social worker) already approved our Home Study without them and never wanted them. So frustrating.
Also, International agency has some concerns with some verbage in our Home Study and how that might look to the country. So....just when I thought things were moving, they're not. It's being worked on but looks like we are now 2-3 weeks from submitting the I600a (see previous post). I have already screamed.

My Aunt told me on the phone one day. "Lori, you just have to do your part. You can hurry and gather your stuff and do everything to keep it going fast, but ultimately it might sit on someones desk for 3 weeks and you have no control of that. All you can do is pray and do your part".  This has comforted me way more than I ever wanted it to at this stage, but thank you for giving me that advice, Auntie.

Switching countries to Ghana

Since Feb, Uganda has been struggling with their adoption process. In Uganda, the law is that one must reside there for 3 years in order to adopt. The way International Adoption has been proceeding around that in the past is to get a guardianship with the intention to adopt by the Ugandan courts, and then come to the US to make it final. In the last few month new judges has have come in and recently they decided to take out those words "with the intention to adopt".  Some (judges) argue that they should be following the law of 3 years, and some argue they should be following the law of doing what is in the best interest of the child. In the meantime, the US embassy has now refused to issue the visas to leave the country for obvious legal reasons. The very sad part, is that some families went over to Uganda, met up with their child, got legal guardianship (from the Ugandan courts), and now are waiting. I have been following one families blog and she has currently been there 10 weeks while they sort all this out. We have been trying to ride it out and not make a decision to switch until we ultimately had to (the country gets listed in the finalized Home Study), even though I think we knew in our hearts we wouldn't have confirmation in time. At this point, Uganda has agreed to put the wording back in (why the heck don't they just change the law!), but now the US embassy wants letters from 3 different Ugandan Ministries, which lawyers are advising will take months.
While we pretty much knew this was coming, our agency recently put the Ugandan program on hold, so it's really not a choice even if we wanted to push through.  What are our choices? Well, when you sign on with an agency, you are boundried by the countries that they work with. The other two countries that will work with our interests and family, are Ethiopia and Ghana.  When I talked further with the agency in the last two weeks, they updated me on some news that has been transpiring in Ethiopia including that now you have to travel there twice. After prayer and research, we decided Ghana was our best choice. It's on the west side of Africa and borders the ocean. Looks like a beautiful country and a great place to visit.
I've begun to pray for twins. It would be so much easier.

Home Study done!

I know it's been a long time since I've updated, but we've been kinda in a "hurry up and wait" mode. More progress though as Glenn and I reviewed and signed our Home Study yesterday morning. It's amazing to me how much they know about us now, but there is still more to come!  So...what now? Monday it gets emailed to our International agency and if they approve, it gets forwarded to Colorado for State approval. This has been taking around a week. Once that is done, we can send in our I600 (Application for Advance Processing of Orphan Petition). Basically step two out of three in the entire process, it's a preapproval by the US immigration to bring orphans into the country (I keep calling it a pre-visa). Tell you more as it comes.....

There are so many details to write, yet so few. I struggle sometimes with how much to put in this blog as I don't want to bore, overwhelm, or keep you from coming here for the basic info. I guess I will really try and do a happy medium and know that you can always contact me for any details I keep you curious about.