Received an email last night from the agency. I had sent some questions through them to Uganda about "Doreen", the little girl we were hoping to adopt. After over a week of waiting, a response. Doreen is no longer available. That's it. Not anymore information than that. After 3 weeks of hoping she would be ours, she's not. How depressing. At the same time, how exciting that perhaps a relative has come to get her, she will not have to wait another day in the orphanage, ???? Glenn and I were in a glum mood last night, but know that it wasn't meant to be. I think we did a pretty good job of guarding our hearts knowing that, as the agency has said, "until they are on the plane with you, don't consider them yours". However, it is still hard. You already have ideas of what life was going to be with that little face sitting in your car, wearing the clothes you've bought, or you reading a book to her. No matter how much you try to not get attached, it's still just plain hard. Of course, it leads me to question things too. Because we chose her which lead us to the agency and country, what if we strayed the wrong way? We can't switch agencies now, but we could switch countries. Maybe we should switch to Ethiopia because the stay when you go is much shorter and more reliable. Maybe we chose the wrong agency. Maybe we just shouldn't look for a child too early because so much can happen in the months ahead that my emotions would be best to not be messed with.
The agency called today to follow up. She reminded me that we are dealing with foreign countries. That other countries besides America adopt from them and that the child is ultimately owned by the government. This means that no matter how much we can try to match ahead of time, things can happen completely out of anyone's control.I knew that, but really thought that the connection between the agency and the orphanage woud protect that from happening. Of course I want to be mad at the agency. I feel like they should have known 3 weeks ago, or followed up in the last few weeks more effectively to know. But ultimately I think about the many blogs, forums, and websites I've read that constantly talk about the frustrations of adoption. The patience you need and the control you don't have. I am so thankful for my aunt. I just needed to talk about my frustrations so I called her on the way home from work today. She reminded me that all we can do is our part. Turn in our stuff, and pray. Papers might sit on desks for weeks without anyone seeing them, or they may even get lost. I've read countless stories of unfortunate situations, but did not know she had been through it more than once. With my last cousins, the paperwork sent to India got totally lost! They were in the middle of a move to another state and so when they had to resubmit it, they had to redo their homestudy for their current state. Wow! We are not even through the homestudy part. I can't imagine getting to that point and being back where are only are now. It was the perfect reminder how little control I have over any of this.
One of the verses I've been leaning on: Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.
—Proverbs 3:5
Friday, January 29, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Psych--psych me
Emotions today. I'm still awaiting answers to questions from Uganda regarding specifics of our little girl. Told me it would probably take a week so naturally when today has been a week I expected my email to be waiting for me when I awoke. Ha!
Glenn and I met with the psychologist today for our 'eval'. I went in so happy because my insurance actually approved the visit (I'm thinking, wow, how did an insurance company actually come through when I needed them to?), but I came out being frustrated that we will likely still have to pay the guy close to a thousand bucks. The agency required both the MMPI and the TAT tests. We were told it's unlikely the insurance will pay. He will submit, but they will likely not see a reason and so he went over the hourly cost and what will be charged. Uggh. We seriously considered acting like we have problems to get it all covered, knowing that in the end then the guy probably wouldn't say we were fit to be parents. Oh....the decisions we have to make in this process :)
Glenn and I met with the psychologist today for our 'eval'. I went in so happy because my insurance actually approved the visit (I'm thinking, wow, how did an insurance company actually come through when I needed them to?), but I came out being frustrated that we will likely still have to pay the guy close to a thousand bucks. The agency required both the MMPI and the TAT tests. We were told it's unlikely the insurance will pay. He will submit, but they will likely not see a reason and so he went over the hourly cost and what will be charged. Uggh. We seriously considered acting like we have problems to get it all covered, knowing that in the end then the guy probably wouldn't say we were fit to be parents. Oh....the decisions we have to make in this process :)
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Country decision
Well, despite not being prepared in my mind to make too many decisions already, we have made some important ones in the last week.
We decided on Uganda. We decided to pursue a waiting child.
I actually began writing the details and after a couple of paragraphs decided I'd better wait. I'm really not sure ethically what all I can talk about in a blog at this point so I need to confirm with the agency before saying too much more. I know that some things are sensitive to countries and they prefer certain details not be on the web. I will respect that and give you what I can as I learn what I can share.
What I can tell you is that our heart has lead us to a waiting child. That means she has qualified already as an orphan and is 'waiting' for a forever family- probably because she is older (listed at 3-4yrs but is possibly a bit older). She is listed in good health. The exciting part is that it means that after our Dossier (the country app) has been approved, the referral will take place immediately and so the waiting time will be reduced (the referral waiting time is generally 2-6 months in Uganda). We are truly excited but guarding our hearts as well. In all likelihood, she will become ours, but only God knows if she is the little girl ultimately chosen for us to parent. We do know now, that if it doesn't work out, our child will be from Uganda. Once we chose to pursue her, that ruled out India because 1) this agency doesn't work with India and 2) you submit your Dossier to one country. There is a little grieving in my mind. I really wanted India. But I really wanted Africa. I guess that means I would have been grieving either way, but I do feel good about where we are going.
So, with little time that has passed, we have began educating ourselves on the country. Some things we have learned are; 1) Savannah's soccer club, Pride, has a coach from there! 2) much of the country speaks English and many Ugandans have American first names 3) "God Grew Tired of Us" and "War Dance" are excellent documentaries if you want to give your family a reality check (we own one of them now and I'd love to loan it out).
Probably the scariest thing so far for me has been finding out last night that the Tax Deduction we were expecting to use could possibly not be available past this year. In 2001, Congress passed the EGTRRA bill (Economic Growth and Tax Relief Reconciliation Act) that increased the credit for special needs adoption and gave a credit for non special needs adoption. It will sunset the last day of this year unless another bill is passed for extension. My heart can't imagine with the economy and tax deductions they have added lately, and now the Haiti crisis, that congress won't renew it. But. One never knows what the government will do. Please pray for this. I know in my heart that God will take care of us regardless, but there are many other families that don't have that faith and will never pursue adoption without the added finance cushion.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
What kind of child is waiting for us?
Almost forgot and I'm sure there will be questions.
We are interested in a girl (no one cared about this part so I chose!) ages 4-6. No babies for us! and we really want to get them before they are too settled in school as we know this transition to another language, etc., will be hard enough as it is.
We are interested in a girl (no one cared about this part so I chose!) ages 4-6. No babies for us! and we really want to get them before they are too settled in school as we know this transition to another language, etc., will be hard enough as it is.
Questions about the International Decision
I have read on another post that when people ask why they chose a particular country, they always tell them that it's because that's where their child was. I guess that makes perfect sense to me. We have very much been lead in a direction that we aren't controlling. God knows where our child is and he is leading us there.
But here is the journey so far...of course not every incident and detail is included, but here are the biggies:
Initially I will tell you that Glenn and I both said we should adopt from America. We thought that we should not be looking overseas since there are kids here. Plus, we had always heard how expensive it is and cash flow is something we have not (otherwise my kids would have been on a ski trip they wanted to go on this winter break! choices, choices). Anyway, I started out by researching websites like http://www.howtoadopt.org/ and http://hopefororphans.com/images/mmDocument/AdoptionGuide.pdf (both are awesome guides if you have ever thought about adoption). I am so truly heartbroken over the statics; over 140 MILLION orphans worldwide. Broken down, America has approximately 130,000 of them. This seemed like such a small number for me even though all the numbers are not within my thinking. Our goal from the beginning was to truly give a child a life they would never know otherwise (I know that every childs life will be changed once they have a family, but this was a nudge towards the poorer nations). Even though the statistics are very grim for those living in America that exit the foster care system, we feel that at least they can receive food stamps, medical care, and there is a church on every other corner--totally not a reality in most countries. Help is readily available for the taking. The kids exiting the orphanages in other countries will in all likelyhood have nothing. I still wasn't sure though. I then read about the government tax credit, how churches sometimes help, and even grants and loans that organizations offer to help make international adoptions a reality. For the first time I was really at ease that God would take care of our financial needs in this and it shouldn't be a deciding factor. Glenn had agreed with me in all of this and we were closer to the decision. Soon after, I had a conversation with my cousin. Without prompting, he explained how he was eternally grateful for the "American opportunity". No doubt he wouldn't have his health, his wealth, and even his faith, if it weren't for the chance to live in America. It's so cliche, but he said that we really do often take that for granted and it's a very real reality for him. For me, that nailed it. I felt God was talking to me through him, and since he was one of the reasons we started this adventure in the first place, it made perfect sense that it would finalized through him (not even sure he knows this).
I know some of you could argue this path and I don't expect for all to agree and feel the same way. Again, it's how our heart is being lead and it's a good thing all others aren't lead this way or no kid in America would find a home!
But here is the journey so far...of course not every incident and detail is included, but here are the biggies:
Initially I will tell you that Glenn and I both said we should adopt from America. We thought that we should not be looking overseas since there are kids here. Plus, we had always heard how expensive it is and cash flow is something we have not (otherwise my kids would have been on a ski trip they wanted to go on this winter break! choices, choices). Anyway, I started out by researching websites like http://www.howtoadopt.org/ and http://hopefororphans.com/images/mmDocument/AdoptionGuide.pdf (both are awesome guides if you have ever thought about adoption). I am so truly heartbroken over the statics; over 140 MILLION orphans worldwide. Broken down, America has approximately 130,000 of them. This seemed like such a small number for me even though all the numbers are not within my thinking. Our goal from the beginning was to truly give a child a life they would never know otherwise (I know that every childs life will be changed once they have a family, but this was a nudge towards the poorer nations). Even though the statistics are very grim for those living in America that exit the foster care system, we feel that at least they can receive food stamps, medical care, and there is a church on every other corner--totally not a reality in most countries. Help is readily available for the taking. The kids exiting the orphanages in other countries will in all likelyhood have nothing. I still wasn't sure though. I then read about the government tax credit, how churches sometimes help, and even grants and loans that organizations offer to help make international adoptions a reality. For the first time I was really at ease that God would take care of our financial needs in this and it shouldn't be a deciding factor. Glenn had agreed with me in all of this and we were closer to the decision. Soon after, I had a conversation with my cousin. Without prompting, he explained how he was eternally grateful for the "American opportunity". No doubt he wouldn't have his health, his wealth, and even his faith, if it weren't for the chance to live in America. It's so cliche, but he said that we really do often take that for granted and it's a very real reality for him. For me, that nailed it. I felt God was talking to me through him, and since he was one of the reasons we started this adventure in the first place, it made perfect sense that it would finalized through him (not even sure he knows this).
I know some of you could argue this path and I don't expect for all to agree and feel the same way. Again, it's how our heart is being lead and it's a good thing all others aren't lead this way or no kid in America would find a home!
Saturday, January 2, 2010
The Process
BASIC PROCESS (Lori's analysis):
Homestudy (4-8 weeks), Country Paperwork (called a Dossier and takes up to 5 months but can get started near the end of the homestudy), Referral of child (this is where you get matched up with your child and depends on the kind of child you're looking for and the country), waiting for the government to approve, and then travel to get your child.
So to get started you need a homestudy. You can't really start your home study until you have picked an agency (because some agencies do their own homestudies and others work with local organizations to do them), and you can't pick an agency without picking a country. You have to pick a country in order to begin the paperwork process according to that countries specifics. Agencies only work with certain countries (often more than one though), so it became evident that we have to narrow down the agency and country pretty quickly. This is something I was not expecting to have to do so soon and am not happy about it. I want more time, but I keep reminding myself that everything is in God's perfect timing.
A lot of countries are not an option for us because of various qualifications, travel requirements, length of wait, etc. We have narrowed it down....at least ..I think....well, everyday that I think I've decided on 1 or 2, then something else comes up that I reconsider and add to my mania of researching. I did for now, find an agency that does more than one of the countries we are interested in. This way we can start the application process with them and still have a little time (only a couple weeks) to decide on country. I went ahead and contacted the organization here in the Springs to expedite the home study process that works with that agency. I feel comforted at this point. Turns out this home study organization works with many agencies so if we decide in the next few days on a different agency, we have likely still began on the correct path.
I think when I started this journey, I thought that I would be able to be matched up to kids from all countries and we would know the country our child was in just by being matched to them. It doesn't work that way at all. As I mentioned, you have to apply your paperwork according to that particular country. There isn't some huge country data base that each country uses to match to parents. In fact, each agency usually works with specific orphanages or organizations to match families. If each Dossier didn't cost hundred of dollars, I might now have wanted to apply to more than one country and see what came first.
Because each agency works with particular orphanges, that is why there can be a wait. Kinda depends on the children that are currently available within the orphange or orphanges when your paperwork is finalized. If one is available, you get a "referral" right away. If not, you wait. If there is another family ahead of you on the wait list, the match would go to them first, you wait. It looks like we are in for a minimum of 10 months to a year wait for us. Could be longer, could be only a bit shorter. Patience is not one of the attributes I was gifted with.
I know some of you may be familiar with this process and don't care to hear me going on and on. I figured some of you might be interested so sorry to bore those that don't care and just wanted to hear the main details.
We have a long road ahead of us and we ask for your prayers. To guide us in all decisions and never doubt Jeremiah 29:11.
Homestudy (4-8 weeks), Country Paperwork (called a Dossier and takes up to 5 months but can get started near the end of the homestudy), Referral of child (this is where you get matched up with your child and depends on the kind of child you're looking for and the country), waiting for the government to approve, and then travel to get your child.
So to get started you need a homestudy. You can't really start your home study until you have picked an agency (because some agencies do their own homestudies and others work with local organizations to do them), and you can't pick an agency without picking a country. You have to pick a country in order to begin the paperwork process according to that countries specifics. Agencies only work with certain countries (often more than one though), so it became evident that we have to narrow down the agency and country pretty quickly. This is something I was not expecting to have to do so soon and am not happy about it. I want more time, but I keep reminding myself that everything is in God's perfect timing.
A lot of countries are not an option for us because of various qualifications, travel requirements, length of wait, etc. We have narrowed it down....at least ..I think....well, everyday that I think I've decided on 1 or 2, then something else comes up that I reconsider and add to my mania of researching. I did for now, find an agency that does more than one of the countries we are interested in. This way we can start the application process with them and still have a little time (only a couple weeks) to decide on country. I went ahead and contacted the organization here in the Springs to expedite the home study process that works with that agency. I feel comforted at this point. Turns out this home study organization works with many agencies so if we decide in the next few days on a different agency, we have likely still began on the correct path.
I think when I started this journey, I thought that I would be able to be matched up to kids from all countries and we would know the country our child was in just by being matched to them. It doesn't work that way at all. As I mentioned, you have to apply your paperwork according to that particular country. There isn't some huge country data base that each country uses to match to parents. In fact, each agency usually works with specific orphanages or organizations to match families. If each Dossier didn't cost hundred of dollars, I might now have wanted to apply to more than one country and see what came first.
Because each agency works with particular orphanges, that is why there can be a wait. Kinda depends on the children that are currently available within the orphange or orphanges when your paperwork is finalized. If one is available, you get a "referral" right away. If not, you wait. If there is another family ahead of you on the wait list, the match would go to them first, you wait. It looks like we are in for a minimum of 10 months to a year wait for us. Could be longer, could be only a bit shorter. Patience is not one of the attributes I was gifted with.
I know some of you may be familiar with this process and don't care to hear me going on and on. I figured some of you might be interested so sorry to bore those that don't care and just wanted to hear the main details.
We have a long road ahead of us and we ask for your prayers. To guide us in all decisions and never doubt Jeremiah 29:11.
What?!
So THIS is the official announcement. The Boarman Family is going to adopt a child internationally.
The next question everyone is asking is how did this come about. Here's the short (okay, nothing I talk about is ever short, right!). I think God began preparing our hearts years ago as Glenn and I casually would bring it up without ever imagining it a reality. As most of you know, my Aunt is an amazing unselfish women who adopted 4 children (2 from India and 2 from Korea). When having conversations in the past with them, Glenn and I have always been amazed at how drastically different their life stories are because they live in America. Todd and Taylor were "older" children adopted from India and have not-so-fond stories to tell about the orphanges.
I don't know always know all the details of Glenn's journey, but I think mine started to take a serious turn after watching "Slum Dog Millionaire" a couple months ago. Not that I haven't had a heart for the parentless children in the past, but it was especially touching me. From there I have had constant encounters with the idea of adoption. Examples: opening up an email at work and seeing that my benefits now will allow me to use my extended illness bank for 6 weeks post adoption, talking with a co-worker about her Grandchild that might be put up for adoption, only to come home and see a Primetime story on adoption--there are many more and I can't begin to compose a list. I truly believe God was starting to prepare my heart to break. And it officially did on December 7, 2009 (Glenn's birthday) ,while watching "The Blindside". I broke down afterwards in the car. I told Glenn how I felt so blessed and so able to help. I know we can't change the world, but we can change another child's world. He didn't say much and I prayed hard. I told God that if this was really a path he wanted me to take, he'd better "slap me in the face with it". Next day I went to work and Glenn took the kids to see the movie. Later that night God slapped me in the face. Glenn initiated the process by telling me the timing could be right and he was in. We talked to the kids and prayed about it as a family. My children have made me so proud. They don't care age, sex or even color.
We can't always explain exactly how things come about and how God works, but I can tell you that with research, prayer, and time, it has become 100% clear that we have a child waiting somewhere that is ours.
We began announcing to family over the Christmas holiday and I have now spent approximately ?? hours in the last week and a half researching. As every adoptive parents knows, it's a frustrating process. My summary: you can't make decisions without information, and you can't get information without makeing decisions. Ugg!
The next question everyone is asking is how did this come about. Here's the short (okay, nothing I talk about is ever short, right!). I think God began preparing our hearts years ago as Glenn and I casually would bring it up without ever imagining it a reality. As most of you know, my Aunt is an amazing unselfish women who adopted 4 children (2 from India and 2 from Korea). When having conversations in the past with them, Glenn and I have always been amazed at how drastically different their life stories are because they live in America. Todd and Taylor were "older" children adopted from India and have not-so-fond stories to tell about the orphanges.
I don't know always know all the details of Glenn's journey, but I think mine started to take a serious turn after watching "Slum Dog Millionaire" a couple months ago. Not that I haven't had a heart for the parentless children in the past, but it was especially touching me. From there I have had constant encounters with the idea of adoption. Examples: opening up an email at work and seeing that my benefits now will allow me to use my extended illness bank for 6 weeks post adoption, talking with a co-worker about her Grandchild that might be put up for adoption, only to come home and see a Primetime story on adoption--there are many more and I can't begin to compose a list. I truly believe God was starting to prepare my heart to break. And it officially did on December 7, 2009 (Glenn's birthday) ,while watching "The Blindside". I broke down afterwards in the car. I told Glenn how I felt so blessed and so able to help. I know we can't change the world, but we can change another child's world. He didn't say much and I prayed hard. I told God that if this was really a path he wanted me to take, he'd better "slap me in the face with it". Next day I went to work and Glenn took the kids to see the movie. Later that night God slapped me in the face. Glenn initiated the process by telling me the timing could be right and he was in. We talked to the kids and prayed about it as a family. My children have made me so proud. They don't care age, sex or even color.
We can't always explain exactly how things come about and how God works, but I can tell you that with research, prayer, and time, it has become 100% clear that we have a child waiting somewhere that is ours.
We began announcing to family over the Christmas holiday and I have now spent approximately ?? hours in the last week and a half researching. As every adoptive parents knows, it's a frustrating process. My summary: you can't make decisions without information, and you can't get information without makeing decisions. Ugg!
Adoption
As we've begun telling people that we are adopting, many have asked for me to start a blog. To be honest, I didn't want to. Mostly, I am overwhelmed. I have so much to do (or as Glenn would say, some things I choose to do to create more chaos in my life); research, read, prepare, pray, paperwork. And.... this is one more thing that is going to keep me from spending time with my kids.
However, I'm feeling differently at the moment. After spending some time reading adoption blogs others have shared, I see that this is actually a quicker way of sharing what is current. Certainly, a personal way, and most of you know I am not afraid to share what's on my mind (sorry). More importantly, it will be a story to share with our child that I could never compose afterwards.
I'm actually at ease about this blog thing as I write. I am excited to share how God has, is, and will work in our lives. I have never before felt so close to him. Okay, I'm getting emotional already-think this is going to be a norm for me from now on. I did, however, agree to myself that if I were to do this, I would not sugar coat anything.
Only my heart and honesty will be embedded here.
However, I'm feeling differently at the moment. After spending some time reading adoption blogs others have shared, I see that this is actually a quicker way of sharing what is current. Certainly, a personal way, and most of you know I am not afraid to share what's on my mind (sorry). More importantly, it will be a story to share with our child that I could never compose afterwards.
I'm actually at ease about this blog thing as I write. I am excited to share how God has, is, and will work in our lives. I have never before felt so close to him. Okay, I'm getting emotional already-think this is going to be a norm for me from now on. I did, however, agree to myself that if I were to do this, I would not sugar coat anything.
Only my heart and honesty will be embedded here.
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